[Afternoon freewrite]
This is my birthday.  Is it important?  Is it important to me?  Is there
something aboiut today that makes me feel glad?  No or yes?  I'm not sure.
Today is a day like any other.  I feel that I want to get a little more.....

Birthdays always make me feel so... I suppose left out.  Either it's someone
else's birthday or it's yours and no one seems to recall.  Or something.  I
don't quite know.  I don't want a big deal but am I disappointed when a big
deal isn't made?  Perhaps.  I don't know.

So blah.  The sun is out and I am inside.  The wind is blowing.  The air is
clear and bright.  It is a perfect day for hiking.  But I am here.  I should
be hiking.  I should be outside.  I would like to be outside.  That would be
best for me.  To get out and away.  The tug is being made on my thoughts.  I
just want to get out from under civilization.

Civilization is a very demanding environment.  You're expected to live
within the same relationships and environs forever.  No need to adapt, but
at the same time there's no .... one cannot get away and leave.  A moving
society may have to adapt to changing sconditions, but it is an expected
part of the existence.

I am listening to a CD my sister sent me.  The Residents Commercial Album.
Sections sound like Tom Waites.  Sections are somewhat like Negativeland.
Somethings sound like electronica.  Definitely a 90s band.  Experimenting
with things.  I like it.

Why do I write online?  Why do I do thisfor everyone to see?  I suppose it's
because I won't do it if it's hidden away.  There's an element of the
exhibitionist in me.  A large element.  I don't want to know what other's
think, necessarily, but I do like to know that I am viewed.  It's a reason
to go on writing.  Every day because someone may expect me to....

Where is it that I am going?  Going.  Travelling.  Movement.  Such a great
metaphor!  It comes up alot, have you noticed?  It's because I'm in flux.  I
am not static.  I am fighting staticity.  I am movement.  But .... The
Uncertainty Principle in Physics is all about not knowing where a particle
is at the same time as you know what it's vector of movement is.  If you
pinpoint the particle, yhou pinpoint where it was, but can't determine where
it will then head to.  If you know what velocity it has, you aren't able to
determine where it is.....  I have often fallen between these two extremes:
Sometimes knowing where I am and sometimes knowing that I am moving, but
never knowing enough to tell where I am ging to  show oup next.

[End afternoon freewrite]