[Morning Freewrite]
I had a dream last night.  I met a woman briefly.  We talked, fell in love,
kissed, and departed company.  Very chaste.  Very symbolic.  Of what?  The
way my life is?  The way I want my life to be?  The way I perceive my life?

The Circle 2K group is preparing to take off for their last practice hike.
I want to be out there hiking with them, but I suppose I'll just have to
wait.  There's many things that I want to do but I can't because I'm....
I don't know.  There's many reasons for the variuous things I don't do.
Generalizing that statement would have been silly.

I want to fall in love.  I want to hike forever,  I want to live and
breathe... free.  I want to share the beauty.  I want to see someone else
smile.  I want to feel the wind whipping through my hair.

I am wondering just what I am going to do about this site when I leave for
the next hike.  There are options -- update it every time I get to town.
Simply update it with one entry whenever I get to town.  Let it sit idle.
Get someone else to update it for me.  I don't know.  What is the best?

When I was little, many things happened that made me who I am today.  Much
of my life has been a struggle to overcome those limitations.  I have begun
to see those shaping forces, not as grinding stone to make a statue, but
tying a tree to make it bend to your will.  Their wills.  I am struggling to
free myself from those bonds and discover the person inside.  Nature vs
nurture?  If nature means genetics (as it so often does in science these
days) then I want no part of that phrase.  But if it means inner character.
Soul.  Then I am trying to recognize and cultivate my inner nature and get
rid of the nurture baggage that I carry.

I am a searcher struggling to find the path to truth.  Not sure if I need to
turn rocks to find it or meditate or fast or take a vow of silence, hermit
away from the world, or expose my self to it more freely.  I am walking the
path to Enlightenment.  I just don't know how far along it I will go in this
lifetime.

I think I need to og see my grandmother and ask her about Buddhism.  I think
she'd consider herself  a Buddhist who's coming back for another ride on the
merry-go-round.  I wonder, though, if I;m right about that or if she's
become areligous in her time here.  Refusing to become Christian out of
stubbornness, but no longer a Buddhist either.... In Sacramento, Buddhism is
like the Christian church.  Filled with rituals and sermons and socializing.
It isn't a thoughtful religon any more than Christianity  is a thoughtful
religon anymore....  Where is a seeker to turn?  No place encourages
thought....

[End Morning Freewrite]