[Night freewrite]
This morning I woke up with every intention of writing here early.  What
happened?  How did I get sidetracked into not writing?  I went through today
thinking I had.  If it hadn't been for my need to write something now I
might never have discovered that I hadn't written today.

Today has been an outrageously frustrating day.  I've discovered a flaw in
my sleeping bag liner pattern.  It's got a seam that I don't know how to
finish (It's going to cause bunching.  Thinking about things in three
dimensions is always unpredictable.  Bah!)  I discovered I got mail from a
guy at cygnus about my test of libstdc++ -- he was a bit rude in claiming
that I'm trying to not make a bug easy for him to find.  Bah you stupid
beastie!  I do the best I can to show you all aspects of your problem.
Fine.  I don't care.  I striped down the problem as simply as I could.  It's
still two files, but now it's only about thirty lines.  If he rejects that I
suppose I'll have to go to Seattle and kill someone.  It's outrageously
stupid it is.

And so.  I sit here and try to vent.

The snow that fell this morning melted by noon.  The plants have spots of
mold on the outside of the peat pots.  Things are just not right.  I'm
letting life get to me again.  I can't do this.  It's insane.  I ahve to let
it flow through me -- find the peace and stability and oneness and flow that
I finally gained by hiking.  Little things are making me so angry.... So
frustrated.... So -- they're getting too me too easily.

Part of it is my psychological make-up (I don't know if I'd call it a
disorder or not.  It never seems major enough to me, but it may be... it
gets worse the older I get....)  I have a tendency to have to see the whole
thing.  If I can't then I can't concentrate on doing it.  I had my sleeping
bag liner all planned out, but the step by step nature of making it I had to
focus on and force myself to be able to walk through them... To not get
caought in a thought loop.  And now that I've discovered this problem, I've
got to think my way out of it.  Otherwise I'll be caught in this problem for
a while longer... I can't escape.....

This is a vent.  A raging freewrite where I just spit and spill and try not
to die inside while crying out at the evil that surrounds me.  I wish I
could remove the hurt and frustration -- I wish I could be a better person
and that people would stop being so mean and all that stuff.  Bah humbug!  I
need to get to the top of a mountain and scream.

[End Night free write.]

I've always wanted to be a wizard.