[Morning freewrite]
This is getting insane.  I'm just not sleeping at all.  Well four hours a
night.  Toss and turn.  Frequent wakeups.  That whole thing.  It's not the
greatest existence in the world.  I don't quite know what is wrong with me.

I think I need to do something.  Perhaps I should be hiing.  Perhaps just
get out of the house for a day.  I don't know.

I need to do a bunch of errands before things are done here.  I want to go
see the Russels.  I need to finish sewing, finish cleaning, and input my
schedule into the computer.  So many things, so little time.  Where am I
going to go next?  what is next?

Inkeri, if you read this, what is going on in your life?  Larissa, I'm sorry
I haven't written back, I'm a bit frenetic right at the moment.  It's like I
am in a pressure cooker and can't figure out why everything is so dark and
steamy.

Okay.  That really wasn't a metaphor..  Just a feeling.  Intolerable pain
with no idea why....

I am a nomad.  A gypsy.  A wanderer.  Sitting in one place is akin to dying.

I look ouot my window and wonder just what I am doing staring at the same
scenery again.  I am waiting for someone to show up and say Hey, I love you,
I wnat to go hike with you forever.  Well, not really, but kinda.  I am
lonely in this world.  Very alone.  I need to find someone to share this
world with, but I don't have anyone.  That is the problem I suppose, the
problem is that I am without companionship.

Chiasmus.  I read about chiasmus in an introduction to James Joyce's
Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man.  And I've been playing with it ever
since.  It's a repititive pattern.  I don't recall if I liked repititions
before or after chiasmus.  But repetitions are great.  As long as you know
how to use them.  This paragraph is not an example.

There is a lot of time and a lot of places for me to explore.  But I don't
know what I am going to do.  Maybe I should keep exploring forever.  Perhaps
I should just stop adn wait a while.  Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

So many people keep telling me you need to do this while you're young.  I
tell myself I'm young until I get married, and have someone else (and
possibly kids) to support.  But is this the case?  Can I go on?  I am
simultaneously trying to figure out a sustaining way to hike forever.  All
year round and get paid for it.  I think I'm in conflict because I don't
know if the two are exclusive of each other.  I don't know which dream I
should pursue or if it's possible to get both.  I need to stop listening to
people who never did crazy things, I need to find people who once did crazy
things but stopped.  And ask them, do you think you could keep doing them?
Was it a choice?  Could you have gone on hiking even after you got married?
Or did it have to end....

[End Morning freewrite]