[Morning freewrite]
This morning finds me with a house full of sleepy relatives.  Jet lag and
driving time.  Simple staying up.  This morning finds me thinking that my
father and sister must be in New York State somewhere.  Soon I shall see
everyone for a brief moment.

So what am I doing?  Where am I going today?  I am much more relaxed today
(this morning) than I have been in a long time.  I slept on the back porch
in my sleeping bag so perhaps that is part of it.  Being able to sleep makes
so much more possible.  Uhm.. That wasn't at all what I meant to say.  Being
able to sleep out and have wind toss your hair and be cold for a change
makes me feel so much more comfortable than before.  I don't know -- I think
I am not going to like beds and furniture in the future.  I am going to go a
bit more wild.  Stop sleeping in beds.

What is it that I should be doing?  Scanning some photos.  Mailing letters.
Writing letters.  Finishing my tarp.  Finishing a pack cover.  Working on
the new sleeping bag stuff so I can test them.  I need to sew an arrowhead
tack (two actually) onto my silk liner to reinforce the corners.  I may want
to sew in a drawcord as well (or perhaps I'll leave that for another day.

Need to tell Uncle Ernie and Aunt Peg what to do with any packages I receive
(only expecting packages from REI.  We'll see.)  Hmmm.... Annything else
cooking?  No, I don't think so.  It looks pretty much as though I know
everything that must be done -- jsut have to get out and do them.

How am I going to do morning freewrites on the trail?  I can write on paper,
but publishing will be a pain.  Retyping stuff when I get into town is
plainly out of the pisture.  I suppose these Ramblings will have to go a bit
dormant.  I'll have to do something else instead.  Put up small segments of
my journal from the trail mayhap.  We'll see.

I wander along wondering just what I am doing in life, in my life.  I wonder
what anyone could wish for.  What I wish for.  THere is so much wonder in
life.  So much wonder without finding.  I think I have to find something,
but I don't know what.  This is now the time to stop  thinking and start
living.

My Aunt has a good point.  Perhaps I should be considering seeing a
counselor for my brains malfunctions.  I know that I'm increasingly not
funcitoning.  The mood swings and depression and manicness and the going
around in circles without doing, jsut thinking.  I may need some way to
solve these eventually.  If they keep getting worse I'll not survive.  But
The trail is my remedy for now.  Will it be a panacea forever?

Where and what to finish and fill a few minutes more can I do?  My mind is
empty of usefu or interesting things to say at the moment.  My mind is
empty.  Filled with images of people.  Reconciliations of how old people
have grown.  Trying to get hte most out of adjustments.  But I have no new
thoughts.  Just observations of age and change.  Cousins are taller or more
mature.  Uncles and Aunts are older.  How have I changed amongst these other
changes?  I do not know.

[End morning freewrite]