[Dream Journal]

Fragments.  Wanting to return to them.  But not enough.... 

Last dream:  hiking.  Some area by the side of the trail.  A center.  Maps.  Lost.  People.  Wanting to go on.  Wanting to stay.  Looking.  Telephone my father.  Just over the hill....  Not having to go.  Starts to rain.  Uncle Spencer and Otow Bachan.  Dog and tent.  The caves/Cavs.  Timekeeper taking a hiker somewhere?  Two girls dropping someone off.  An alternate trail.  Planning to camp there.  Maybe connects back and so we need not take the long way.

I am hiking.  Come down off a mountain to a road.  Roadwalk.  Anticipating some town that is down and over somewhat.  Meet people and talk to them of their plans as I wander  further.  The scenes is a road with a barn and store near me and high Fall mountains behind.  Come to a gas station.  Abandoned?  Timekeeper is there with a silver car.  Letting out a hiker?  Two girls are also letting out the same hiker.  I am confused as to whether the girls know the hiker or not.  They are talking of coming back to meet him and whether they have to go somewhere else first or not.  There is a blonde girl that does not attract me.  The difference between town and hiker seems to loom.  I telephone my father via a payphone on the gas station wall using the 1800 number.

Further along on the walk.  A retreat center.  White and set back in the woods.  I meet up with more people I know.  Feels both like family and the Expedition members.  They've stopped here and are wondering if they should go on or stay.  They are thinking about an alternate trail that I receive the feeling would somehow be more beautiful, lusher, greener, better camping, not going over the mountains.  Uncle Spencer is at another table sitting with Otow Baachan.  I'm surprised that it's Otow Baachan.  Somehow the people at the Expedition table have bought him something (Milk?  Coffee with creamer?) and he jokes "Do you want to share my tent girls?"  But there is a dog and Otow Baachan in there as well.  

We are all looking forward to a great eatery (BBQ shop like in Monson?) in town which is a few miles further.  But we hav been sitting at the retreat center and so we want to check out the alternate route and camp there and go to town in the morning.  I go to look at a map I remember seeing near the entrance to the retreat center.  It has a long looping trail that is the AT.  Some mountains that the AT goes around.  I think they are marked the Caves at first.  But that reminds me of the caves near Piazza Rock Shelter and on second look it turns into The Cavs with a little drawing of Indians and Cavalry going into battle.  The trail we want to take is off the map to the south.

It starts to rain.  I can see the raindrops falling and the sky getting darker.  It is night.  I begin looking around for a place within the retreat center that I might stealth camp.  There is a clothing store outside the center on the side opposite the entrance.

[End Dream Journal]

[Morning Freewrite]

Torrent of images.  Every time I close my eyes to remember a little more of the previous dream a new one threw itself forward.  It is as if there are a stacked line of them awaiting attention and I have only begun to release the flood gates.  Where are my dreams leading me?  Do I believe that they are leading me anywhere?  Or are there no things to my dreams that I can find?

Workshops.  Workshops are things that improve you.  Howtos.  Things that help you learn a new task.  I am into reading workshop books right now. No Thoreau or Dillard, Conscious Dreaming and Tarot instead.  Why am I doing this?  What skill do I seek?  Is this the same as being interested in computers?  Having something to work on?  Some new skill to acquire?  Not thinking but doing....  Things are exciting but are they real?

What was my definition of real?  Involving the self perhaps?  Involving the soul and personality of me?  I have a feeling that that worksfor computers, to exclude computers, but does it work for the more spiritul "workshops" I am doing now?  These are related to me.  To my soul.  But what meaning do they ultimately have.  They don't help me find myself - although the do give me new tools to try exploring my aspects.  I suppose it feels as though I am beyond that.  I can explore my self without their help.  I am finding a new dimension of exploration of the same subject - mightn't I continue in the old way as I am not yet stuck?

My wrists are tired.  Typing is something that requires strength just as hiking.  But typing's strength does not lie in the endurance of the legs, heart and body but the endurance of the writs and fingers.  Muscle work only?  Will it affect me in any other way?

Do I have an idea for a poem?  A story?  For anything which I might like to write soon?  I feel tickles quite constantly.  But I have been forgetting them.  Why is that?  Is there something within me that is rejecting these story ideas for something else?  Waiting for my conscious mind to truly pick up on some idea that will help me?  Or is there something that is blocking me - having me forget what would in fact be good for me to do?  The question of practical natuer is:  should I write down and then write from the next idea that comes to mind or shold I let them continue to go; trusting in my subconscious's filtering away of these ideas for a reason?

[End Morning Freewrite]