[Dream Journal]

Open lawns at a great estate.  Large stone monuments.  Certain areas
remind me of Mount Washington/Niagra Falls.  Crowds of people waiting for an
elevator.  Something about Jesus.

Return to the dream.  In the ranch house with these people who want
something.  Am I a woman?  We have somehow won something (legally?)  so that
they have to leave town.  But they want something first.  Me and someone
else.  Expect a mother back?  Some paper hidden in the compartment of the
phone.  Try to beat them up with a chair (up the ante past their
expectations.)  Go outside with one of them.  Throw him down a mountain.
Watch him tumble and hit trees and ledges before coming to rest on a larger
one.  walk switchbacks down to get a knife he has before going back to the
farmhouse.  He's gone.  Follow his footprints.  In the mud we find bigfoot
prints paralleling him.  Occassionally his footprints will disappear and
only the bigfoot prints will be visible.  Come to a place I remember (from a
previous dream?)  The prints turn right up a small bank.  On the left there
is a stone structure (pyramid like?)  It's within trees so I can't really
make out the shape, but the doorway is triangular.  I go inside.  It looks
something like shower tile inside.  There are steps leading up and down (a
stairway, tile)  I get the feeling that the last time I was here I was with
someone else (reminds me of Funkee Monkee or Jiffie) and that the stairway
was filled with water.  But it's drier now so there is barely a trickle
running down the stairs.  I'm going to go up the stairs.  As I turn to go up
I see a shelf above the doorway (The walls lean in towards me so the shelf
has a metal (shiny) bar to hold its contents on.)  It has shampoo bottles.

[End Dream Journal]

[Morning Freewrite]

I am dreaming prolifically.  But do the dreams have meaning?  I am trying to
find my way back to the astral plain.  Back to experiences beyond my ken.
Beyond explanation by the sciences we acknowledge today.  But I have yet to
find a way.  The path is obscure.  These dreams I have been having are
symbolic.  There is nothing within them that seems to speak directly to me.
There is also no guide.  I need help -- perhaps I should make that
request....

Where am I going next?  That thought keeps recurring in my mind.  I think I
need a job but perhaps I need to sieze the opportunity I have to write.  Do
not stop and get a job when you have people willing to support you in your
writing career?  It's not everyday you turn down a patron.  I do not
know.... I do not know....  And this thought of winter hiking.  And this
thought of hiking more period.  Trails.  Complete trails.  What is this?  I
have already determined that I am not able to write and hike at the same
time because I concentrate too fully on the hiking and allow not enough time
for the writing.  But I also know that I should be able to write and hike.
I know that I should be able to write and hike if only I will allow myself
the time to stop.  I must allow myself to write when the mood hits rather
than being swept ever forwards.  The urge to move must not overcome the
desire to create....

I am easily distracted.  From my life.  From my path.  From many things.
What is it that I am being distracted from most often?  My dreams?  My
goals?  My writing?  My friends?  I do not know....

In my dream last night there was also something about Jesus.  But I don't
remember what... Some discussion about him?  With whom?  A sign of him?
(symbol)  I'm not sure yet.  Where am I going with the synbols in this
dream?

I am only halfway through this freewrite and I am feeling that I have spent
most of my new ideas, but I feel that there is still the energy to write
crap for a time longer.  Isn't that grand?  I am getting slightly better.  I
am.  I am learning to write.  I am gaining the ability to write.  Writing is
becoming a part of who I am again.

Dancing last night I realized once more how much it is not dancing but
becoming one with the music.  Feel the music move and react with it.  Flow
with it.  Writing in life is entering the flow of writing.  Thinking is
entering the flow of thought and fishing out new things, building a raft of
previous ideas..... There is much to the notion that there is nothing new
anywhere, but everything is a realization brought through the connection to
the deeper/universal/divine.

Is it right to seek power from the divine?  To seek not just understanding,
but to be able to affect the world through one's connection to the
universal?  is it right to seek the sources of magic?  Or should one seek
only to explore one's inner self, to explore knowledge without attempt to
use it in the physical world?

I am running away from something and also running towards it.  I am seeking
spiurituality but I am not willing to accept and acknowledge it.  I am a
cynic seeking the divine.  Unwilling to believe anything that can be put in
different terms, but still searching.  Pisces is supposed to be a sign for
"I believe" -- "I want to believe."

[End Morning Freewrite]