[Morning Freewrite]
I saw that there was nothing but did that bother me?

I've been trying to dream biug dreams.  Important dreams.  Revelatory
dreams.  But have had no luck thus far.  Or perhaps it is all in the
interpretation and I have not yet hit upon enough of that to make sense.  I
haven't gone through enough time yet to make sense of what I am doing?  I'm
not sure.  I'm not certain.  I need to try and decide for myself where to
go.  What to do.  I need to go looking for something that makes sense.  Is
there a way to find what makes sense?  I'm not certain.  I'm not certain.
I'm not certain.  I need to go out and find something.

This is what I saw last time I looked.  There was something to my
subconscious that reflected daily life.  Daily thoughts and happenings.  But
no new insights.  No connection either with asubconsciuous unafraid to make
choices regarding what I want to do or with a power beyond myself that knew
getter about what I needed to do.  There is merely me and nothing or no one
else.

Do I feel isolated?  Is that why I search?  If I felt that I belonged or had
someone or someplace that I could call my own would I stop searching?  What
is it that make one search?  What is it that makes one continue looking?

A long long time ago I had a dream about Coudersport and the changes that Mr
Reges had effected here.  But they were cartoonish changes.  Bigger than
life.  Yet, how close to the truth might they have been?  Hindsight is 20-20
and so I dare not venture to say now.

There was something in the air when I was born last.  Something of a new
vision.  I had a need to see something biut  I haven't yet seen it.  It lies
over an imaginary horizon -- Will I ever get there?

There are many tales of walking to the home of the West Wind or over the
Distant Mountains of the Sun or to the home of the Eagles.  THese are places
beyond the reach of the humans who spun the tales.  What if they were vision
quest destinations?  What if instead of physically trying to reach the home
of the West Wind (or in addition to) one moved within the dream state
eventually -- reached their goal on the psychic plane and not on the
physical?  Could that be possible?

How much effect do things in dreams have upon the real world?  Can they have
upon the real world?  (THe physical world)  I don't know.  I can hope that
they have enough that I can understand them.... I wish to see something that
will change my worldview.  I wish to change my worldview.... I wish a
shocking event.  Aaa not disturbing event, but one that is genuinely outside
the safe little haven of known science and into something new and different.

Can I find something to believe in?

Perhaps I should change my name to Thomas.  I doubt the veracity of things
unknown.  But I want to find something unknown that makes snese.  Is there
something?  Can I find something?  Will something appear?  Syncronicity
seems to state that if the time is right for me to become something more, to
see something more, then I will.  Yet I don't know that this will happen...
I don't trust because it has yet to happen.

Why is it that some people have witnessed all manner of different things and
others have never?  What may happen?  What may influence who sees
interesting things and who is left behind to merely hear of them?  Is there
a special place that one should go?  Or is there a special time?  Or is it
the people themselves?

How can I be one of those?

There is nothing that I see as of yet.  A child in a darkened room I must
feel and hear and smell and taste... Hoping to run across an object I
recognize as different among all the clutter of mundane things....

[End Morning Freewrite]