[1:24AM Before Sleep]
What drives us?  What makes us?  How do we get to the point we're at?  So far from?  So close to?  So where we are?  I see people.  I see places.  I see myself look out of he mirror.  Things are never what I was before.  I am not just rambling but pouring forth a trial of errors?  There are emotions hidden within this heart of mine sooo deep.  What is there that means anything?  Have I found a secret I may keep?  What is it that?  I am looking for.  I see nothing deep inside.  Are there people who share their feelings?  Hang themselves by loosed cord?  Could I be one or should I be one or maybe I should play with dolls.  Is there anything for me in things that make no sense but make entirety?  I know that I need my feelings but I do not know what to do with them.  I think that I cannot find what it is that I am looking for.  Have you seen that there are things that make a difference to the people.  I think that there are things that could never be changed but perhaps there and then I think I saw you ask what where and when I came into my own right here where there were no people to be placed.

This is a Tori song.  Lyrics by me.  Things that make no sense.  I think there are things in my heart but I cannot let them out.  I think that somewhere deep inside, there is a flowing and flowering.  Emotions well so deep and strong.  I am afraid and yet I love.  I cannot feel life as well I can.  I cannot feel life as deeply as I should.  It touches me upon a level but I do not access it.  I think life is just around the corner.  If only that tiger's tale were here.  If I saw her, would I know her?  Or is there nothing for me anymore.  Is there something that I want to see?  Is there something that I might make out?  Is there something within this old body that makes life still flow?

I see.  I see within me something that goes on wrapping even as I unwrap.  A mirror image - I in forward.  It in reverse.  We are the same opposing goals.  What can you say?  What can we do?  There is something that no one notices?  What is it that everyone sees?  It is that there isn't anything else.  I don't know what is to happen but I think there should be something to see.  What am I doing?  Getting lost.  Within a sleepless night I rave.  There is here something of no importance.  Yet all the importance of the world to me.

I look within me.  I see there's something.  I must learn to grab and hang on.  There is within a vague feeling I need to listen strong.  Where are we going with that heart of stone....  I think that I may love a person.  Many persons all around.  But they don't really love me truly with a passion and a flame.  I didn't love them in their mortalness.  Their entirety beyond the pale. I see in them something more than they can see within themselves.  It is not an iceberg leaning, but the last of some forgotten time.  I think we are all divine, but - losing it to another time.

[Noon Freewrite]
Just had another little nap and I'm afaid there might have been something
there that I don't quite know.  I almost had another OBE.  Different this
time.  I was having a dream or an OBE already.  Out of my body.  Soemwhere
interacting with people.  Trying to get some information that I could verify
somewhere else.  Tried to get where is this place type info.  West Virginia.
A T?  A G?  can't find it anywhere.... I tried to have it spelled and write
it down in the dream but it's not coming to me quite.

S after the dream type portion Iwoke up and still felt a tingly almost
disconnected from my body feeling.  So I tried to get out of my body again.
I was able to separate my lower body, but not my head.  I could not get
anywhere becausdemy head stayed connected to my body even though the rest of
me got away.  The frame of my eye view was there.  With the wolf on the wall
and the bedside lamp and the pinball machine and all.  And when I passed my
hand in front of the lamp's bright light it went away (I couldn't see it.)
But when I tried to walk I could see them flicking in my peripheral vision.
I felt that everything centered around my head.  I couldn't move from it,
although I could move it.  So IO changed orientation but could not go
anywhere.  This happened several times in several different ways.  What
meaning does it have?  In what way?

I am frustrated by this in a way.  As if I am chaine.  I almost have
something that I believe in, but I have no proof.  Perhaps it talkes a leap
of faith to get free?  I do not know.  I am almost convinced.  This felt
very real and very strange.  Very different.  But I wasn't quite out of
place....

Every time I looked back at my body I seemed to get back into it.  The first
couple times I felt like I was fighting free of blankets or something.  I
was very warm this time.  Under my poncho.  Trying to break free I think I
felt I lifted back the sheets and could feel the coldness (relative) of room
air vs under the blanket.  Then I'd slide my feet around and try to get up
and there would be this feeling of sheets looped around me... or strong
cobwebs.  I kept looking back to untangle them and ended back in my body.
Finally I stepped out of the loop and succeeded in escaping.

Once I tried lifting both legs and thought IO could see out of my peripheral
vision one leg sticking up in the air but not the other.  Not quite wearing
the same clothing perhaps...

[End noon freewrite]