[Morning Freewrite]

	After telling my aunt that she wouldn't know until today what the results of the election would be, I proceeded to stay up too late watching the results.  And today we still don't know.  What does this have to say to us?  I suppose that there is a big division as to whether the candidates mean anything different to each other.  Or perhaps that the candidiates do.  Which is it?  Are we so ambiguous that we had to invoke emotional preference in this election (surely the strongest reason to vote for anyone) or has this years crop been so solid that everybody had a definite opinion.  I believe the former.  There is a lot of uncertainty as to what theh candidates mean.  And therefore there is a feeling that people must depend on factors other than their positions (which are never truthful anyhow...)

	Why do politics matter?  This too will pass....  I don't think Bush would do well by us.  But I don't think there's anyway to stop him.  Or any need.  Look to the future, not to the past.  We live as we live.  If our lives turn miserable for a while, our lives turn miserable.  There will be another time and another goal later.

When will the succession come?  When will we break from each other?  When will nations cease and individuals bring their banners?  Or leave them home?  I don't know.

Early early early.  Not necessarily now.  Just the fact that sleep has been so short.  I think I need to do something new today.  Need to change something.  But the feeling isn't overpowering.  What should I really do?  What should I do with my life?

Old refrains.  But I am on the break of something new.  Some change.  I can feel a rising tide.  But I don't know what it is or where it is leading.  Something is preparing to change.  What is preparing to change?  There is a need within me to create something new and different....

Used the gimp yesterday to create some new pictures.  Good thing?  I think so.  It made a new outlet for my creative energies.  Perhaps today I should study more.  Attempt to make more.  I'm not sure.  There are many ways for my creativity to go.  How can I control them all?  How can I send them all out into the world?  Which should be culled and which need to prosper?

I have been putting off writing character sketches for my novel.  There are so many hesitancies about not letting them develop naturally.  But I think I need to.  The novel I have planned doesn't give them enough room to stretch their legs adequately.  I need to know who they are before I start playing with them otherwise they'll all turn out the same.

The same.  Do I fear the same?  Being mediocre?  Not giving life to the characters and incidents under my control?  Is that what worries me?  That there will be others that are mere shells?  That the joy I had when younger was to create and now I may not have the same ability to breathe life?  I don't know.  Perhaps there is something to that thought.  Perhaps there isn't. 

Am I denying my dreaming?  I have been staying up late.  Is it to stop my dream recall?  Am I afraid to push just a little further?  I need to write those dreams down, not drown them.  I need to continue until I find something.

[End Morning Freewrite]