[Morning Freewrite]

Well.  I had a dream last night filled with people I know from a past life.
Not a true past life.  Just from out of the past.  The only people of
relatively recent origin were the Barefoot Sisters at the very end of the
dream....

I think I have found a vital difference in my interactions with computers.
Programming is a completely separate entity from system administration.
Programming is fun.  It is creative.  It is mind bogglingly complex yet the
human mind is capable of holding onto and distilling that complexity.  The
act of programming is one that elevates the mental aspects.

System administration is almost 100% troubleshooting.  You do not create new
things very much.  Mostly you are worrying about old things and how they
will break when you do new and interesting things to your system.  This is a
problem... it holds back creativity.  Instead of saying what can I create
today you begin to ask what can I break today and how will that impede my
time for the next few days/weeks/months.

I don't know about the whole computer thing.  I like programming especially
when you can see immediate results.  But I do not like the inside staring
at a screen aspect.  On the other hand, I tend to do quite a lot of that.
Why is that?  What about it makes me feel good?

I want to see something from my life that is more than computers too.  They
appeal to my mental, intelligence side but there is nothing in it
spiritually.  If there were artificial intelligence work maybe, but there
isn't -- his is not AI, this is mere programming.  I don't see a future that
involves me here.

What is going on?  I don't know.  There is much that I could do, there is
much that I don't want to do, there is much that I want to do.  This morning
after the dream I had an idea for a new short story.  What was it?  It's
escaping me unfortunately.  The dream... Something.  Something very small...
What was it?  The kernel of an idea is all that's needed to make a good
story.... Must stop thinking and start refeeling...

Have you ever thought?  I mean have you ever sought out something that
isn't?  I mean... have you ever gone through life and found something that
makes sense?  No.... Have you ever thought how things are?  What the true
feeling of life is?  The flavour?  The motion?  The?.... Example -- I feel
like life is a flow.  A stream.  And I am coming to a squeeze in the stream.
And being pushed through.  Elongating.  Fitting.  Touching on all sides.
Perhaps it's like the moment of birth -- being pushed through the womb.  I
feel that life is that way if you can only feel it.  Don't fight, just use
it.  Just keep going...... Eternally in the squeeze.  Keep feeling that
warmth surrounding you.  Keep something.... Something... Why does this
metaphor make sense?  What about it is universal instead of merely a
picture?

There is almost no time left.  But that's okay.  I'm almost out of ideas.
Isn't it amazing how time and ideas start to merge.  With practice.  It's
all about practice.  There's nothing amazing about writing.  It's a creative
outlet.  And you have to let those creative energies flow.  Sometimes we
block them.... We just have to let them continue on.  Not stop them.  Enjoy.

[End Morning Freewrite]

NOTE!  I had a call from the Barefoot Sister's mother!  This almost has a
meaning to me. (Since the dream this morning.)  I remember from the dream
that there was partying and people and dancing and noise in the majority of
the dream.  It ended with a quieter area sitting around a campfire or
cook stove with the barefoot sisters.  Does this have meaning?  Should I go
hike with them?  Now?  Later?  Is this just a contrast?  Why did I have the
dream and then have a return call from there mother?  They're in Harper's
Ferry now... How would I get there?