[Morning Freewrite]

The dog is barking.  I feel tired and headachey.  It's almost as though I'd
been awake all night.  But I haven't.  I have been asleep.  I....

Headachey.  Yesterday I went for a short hike through the snow.  No weight.
(Perhaps I need to drink more water)  But I ended up in pain.  Perhaps from
wearing boots instead of shoes.  Or perhaps because of the cold and not
stretching enough.  Or perhaps I'm just not in shape any more.  Does this
bode good or ill towards my thought of going hiking again?  I don't know.
There's a bit of can I do this?  Can I not?  I can not....  But that's not
the Trail me speaking.  That's the someother me talking.  I can do anything.
I can.  There's something I can do.  I just don't know what.  I can do.  I
can.

And so return.  Miserableness.  But not too miserable.  Only a little.  Not
much.  Just feeling a little divorced from reality.  My nose must be a
little stuffed as well, my ears aren't unctioning quite right.  Everything
is muffled.  I am a little outside the world.  A bit outside.  I can feel a
wall between me and it.

I want to do something.  I want to do something.  I need to do something
productive.  I need to write.  I need to get into the writing mode.  I am
being to critical of my work right now.  I need to write rather than
critique.  It will come out good after editing.  It will come out as it is
first.  Do not worry about things.  I can write and write and write and I
should not worry about them because they are not important.  Worry is not
important.  It is not good.

Worry not.  Live.

Maybe I should be writing about what is for me at the moment.  Tap into the
key to my present life.  Instead of writing of the past.  Write about the
present.  Is that why I always feel drawn to certain topics at certain
times/  They resonate with the present feelin that I have?  THere's
something to be said for that, I suppose.  Is there something to be said for
it?

What am I doing?  Right or wrong or simply doing?  What is it that I am
doing?  I must find a map to get me from here down south.  Saint Claire.
Buy some warm clothing.  And then?  And then I must get to an airport or bus
station for the ride to Iowa.  And then I must get to the Trail to hike with
Isis and Jackrabbit.  Get hither, get yon.  Keep on moving along.  Does this
ever end?  This never ends -- I keep moving all the time.  I keep going from
place to place to place to place....

I walked, yesterday, far enough to know that I probably could get to the
Russel's if I wanted to.  Probably in a few hours.  six or five.  Is that
something I want?  I'm not sure.  There's much that I want to do.  There's
much that I'm not sure of.  There's much that I need to get myself through.
I don't know what's going on with me.  I don't know where I'm going.

Jackrabbit said that she, Isis, and I are all somewhat outsiders.  I agree
with that.  Although I've noticed in recent times there are outsiders,
insiders, and loners.  The In crowd, the OUt crowd, and the ones that decide
they don't want to belong with anyone.  We are outsiders in the sense that
we are loners.  We are uncomfortable with people.  It is not as if there's a
in crowd (except the generic "they" of modern America) and I'm not sure who
our Outsiders are (perhaps other trail people who like to party, college
students of our age group...) but I know that I am a loner.  I like to be
with few others.  To aknowledge equals but different.  To find quietness and
peace rather than doing things together.  Perhaps there is much that I don't
know about myself and much that I do.  I don't understand myself always.
Who does?

[End Morning Freewrite]