[Morning Freewrite]
This morning I woke from a dream and went back to sleep.  Rememory of the
dream is almost non-existent.  I think there's something too this have to
get up and write it down as it occurs.  I think I need to actually do it.
Sigh.

There's something that I need to start doing here.  Taking my projects a bit
more seriously.  But I don't know that I will.  There's just not much
urgency in me I suppose.  This is bad.  Oh well?  Well oh?

This is what I think I should be doing sometimes.  I think.  There is.

This is a very rambling ramble.  I am making very little in the way of
sense.  Should  I be making more sense?  Can I be making more sense?  How?
This is not what I think of particularly when I go about my business of
doing nothing with my mind is just pouring randomness.  It is hiding.  Can
you see that as clearly as I?  My mind is hiding.  It does not want to
further delve into itself and so it is chasing its tail around in circles
instead.  I am going around in circles with my thoughts.  There is nothing
in them that makes a particular sense.  Everything makes no sense at the
moment.

I not know whether I should or shouldn't go whither.  Should I go south?
Should I stay here?  Should I make a sleeping bag?  Should I?  Should.

What is the meaning of should?  What meaning and nuance does should have?
Does should mean contain some imperitive?  Some order?  Some moral command
is ennoblked in shoulkd.  I should do something and therefore it would be
good of me to do it.  I would be good if I did it.  Otherwise I am bad.
Should is a very powerful word.  Should, could, would.  I would do something
is very weak.  It contains very little conviction.  Could can be powerful --
mainly as opposed to could not.  Could and could not are thoughts that make
us feel that there is nothing or something than we can do.  Prophecies.  But
should is something that makes us feel bad or good about ourselves.  Could
can be used as excuses and as empowerment.  Should appeals to our emotions
purely.

How much longer?  Two more minute.  Maybe I should begin to up the time
limit I work with.  That way I can up the amount of training I am doing.
Similar to marathon runners running for more than a marathon in training so
they don't get tired in the final stretch.  Keep going.  Learn to go on
beyond and through.  Find yourself beyond where you began.  Don't worry
about where you are.  Rather find yourself beyond your abilities.  Don't
stop.  Keep going.   Walk on and on.  Towards the top of the hill.  On
beyond you can.

False summits.  In hiking there are always hills that present themselves as
false summits.  You think you can see the top but really, the top is over
the rise.  Beyond where you think you are going.  Over above, beyond.  Too
far.  Much further.  Never get there unless you just keep trying.

[End morning freewrite]