[Morning Freewrite]

Spending a ton of time working with postgresql.  Learning SQL.  Writing a front end to the database via the web.  Why?  It's because I'm learning something.  I'm getting engrossed in creating something and learning how to manipulate something.  Strange is it not how after this period of introspection I am finally coming to my own.  Finally beginning to return to the age of wanting todo something.  To learn something.  Rather than think merely.

Is htis good or bad?  Is this something of worth?  I'm not certain.  There's much to not be certain about.  I wish I knew more but I don't.  Oh well.  What am I going to be doing here?  I am going to be doing lots of programming in the next little while I believe.  Making an addressbook for the web.  Making the web pages for teh Coudersport Footbal team's adventures in Disneyland.  Finding some way to go from hither to yon.  This is an adventure.  THis is an adventure in being productive.

I think there's a lot of things that I can see.  Or a lot of things that I cannot see.  There's many things that I think are there but I do not know the meanings.  Life is much like my dreams.  I am in touch with things enough to see many things but I do not see beyond.  I cannot see what is oging on below the surface.  I cannot see through to the core of things.  To the purpose and the meanings and the motives.  IIt is occluded.  I cannot penetrate the deepest secrets.  Why?

I find myself to be an odd, uncontrollable element.  There is no rhyme to my whims.  Perhaps there should be.  Perhaps I should exert more control and thereby create something more permanent for myself.  Where did I lose my grounding?  Where did things change?  I'm not certain.  There must be someplace somewhere but I'm not certain.

Can I see through tehe haze?

I have been writing  no listening to classical music quite a bit lately.  Plug a cd into the computer and listen while I type away.  In some ways this reminds me of everyone else going through life plugged into stereos, but on another level it feels good.  THere's something about the mathematics of classical music, perhaps that strokes the brain in just the right manner.

I don't know.  What is it about hearing?  Does it mean something more?  Perhaps you heatr the patterns and therefore it (life) seems to make sense, seems to have inherent poatterns.  While listening to randomness for long periods will only lead to randomness in thoughts?  Perhaps.

Two more minutes.  I don't believe I have nothing to say today.  But I am running low.  I am tired.  I am filled with computing thoughts rather than writing thoughts.  I must seek blanace.  How does one achieve that?  How does one get the balance from life?  How can I create a balance between computers and writing?  Can I be paid for writing journalistic articles?  Howto do this and thats?  I'm not sure.  I would perhaps like that or perhaps not.  After all, there's a certain element of non-creativity there.  Recording rather than making new material.  But it is crafted.  You are crafting from an existing substance something that is hopefully more readable than simple experience.

[End Morning Freewrite]