[Morning Freewrite]

It's been some time since I've written anything here.  Has anything been happening?  Well, I've been becoming depressed over not finding work.  This has been offset by the happy circumstances of my living situation right now.  So it all balances I suppose.

What is there that I like to have happen in the future?  What is there in the past?  What is there now and forever?  What am I doing?

Getting up earlier these days.  But not always getting out of bed immediately.  Is this a good way to spend life or a bad way?  I need a job.  Then I'll have some motivation to do something every day....

But perhaps defining self through job is a bad thing.  I really need to be writing more.  But it is hard to write and at the same time worry about money.  I should stop worrying about money.  Money will come I suppose.  It always seems to appear when it is needed.  There's just an element of uncertainty and un-planning about it that I don't think I like very much.  Need more stability there.

This is a ramble of rambling rambles.  I don't think there's much that I really have to say to the world right now.  I'm off the trail.  I'm not writing.  I'm having difficulty adjusting to the job thing.  I'm almost reading -- but I keep putting the books down and worrying.

Cooking is nice.  Trying to come up with something new and good tasting -- I suppose that I'll be one  of those horrendously fat depressed people later in life.  I'll cook and eat to comfort me so it's inevitable.  (Perhaps that's better than the skeletal look I presently afford... Hmmm...)

Thinking of making applesauce today.  Perhaps that will be good.  Must Talk Edina into letting me put some sugar ionto it, though.  A little bit of sugar is a good thing (as opposed to alot... which is what our icing was last night.... Still haven't used up all the energy from that.)  Maybe I'll pour the rest of the maple syrup into the apple sauce.  That could be good.  Lucky for me Edina is going to be working on her protfolio today and thusd won't be able to stop me :-)

(She stabs my knee with a knife!  Gee.... Maybe I shouldn't let her read over my shoulder....)

Anyhow... I've rembered that we don't have any cinamon or nutmeg in the house so I'll have to go to the store to find that as well.  So many things this kitchen is not stocked with.  *sigh*

Discovered that the co-op has olive oil in bulk.  This is quite a treat.  7.99 per pound isn't bad, is it?  Much better than buying the bottles that the co-op sells (although this week there's a sale....)  Olive oil -- I am really beginning to acquire a gourmet's taste for it.  *sigh*  Must find a job....

I think that this job thing is overly worrying me.  I just can't escape it.  I turn around and there it is waiting for me yet again.  I need at least some money so that I can eat and do things.  Yet I need a good deal of time so that I can do things I want as well....  There are many things I don't need but only want -- should I cut those out of my life?  Or should I get a higher paying job or....

I can't seem to find a low paying job.  Or rather -- a low working job.  Maybe because this is a college town; all the retail type jobs seem to be filled.  This is no way to live -- I should go back to a small town where all the residents are retirees or computer people.... Then I could find a low working job without problem....

[End Morning Freewrite]